Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I haven't done one of these letters in a long time.  It feels nice to write one to you again.  Actually with my kinda bad memory, I don't even remember if I've ever wrote to you a letter before.  Anyways, I just felt like writing one to you.  Bear with me as I tend to blabber on and on and on...

Something I really want is my old Christmas spirit back...  This holiday season, I felt like my Christmas spirit is almost disappeared completely.  It's as small and gentle as flickering candle that may or may not survive the slight breeze of the wind.  I always loved this time of year, in fact, just last year that I felt my usual holiday spirit.  I would eagerly wait and hope that Christmas comes soon and contradictorily don't want Christmas to come so soon.  After all the faster it gets here the faster the holiday ends.  It's almost Christmas, two more days, and I barely felt the holiday spirit.  What's worse is that I didn't even notice that time flew by so quickly that Christmas is literally around the bend and I felt almost nothing this year...  Throughout my life I always had the childhood glow of Christmas on my face.  Only difference is that when I grew up, my Christmas values change.

My childhood years would be looking forward to the presents that I got from friends (I really shouldn't say "friends" since I barely had any...) and family.  As a teen I was just happy Christmas was coming around, I got to give out presents and hoped my small handful of friends would love their sentimental gift.  I thought about it a few years ago, perhaps somewhere from the transition of teenager to an adult I just loved the holiday spirit in everyone.  I loved seeing people's happy faces, the decoration, the movies, everything!

Santa, I believed in you for the majority of my life.  As a child I completely believed in you, then I got to that phase where my parents stopped acting like you.  I remembered how heartbroken I was when it hit me:  you don't exist.  It left me in a bitter-sweet stage during the holidays.  Sweet would be how the holidays were fun and a happy time of year and full of buying, giving, receiving, and donating.  Bitter would be the times that I would see little kiddies and how they believed in Santa.  I felt sad for them thinking what happens when they find out their Santa doesn't exist.  During my teen years until now, I finally realized that you do exist.  You may not be a live person that does go around on a magical sleigh with the reindeers leading the way (I admit that even til now, there was always a shimmer of hope that I'm wrong and you do have an everlasting physical body haha), but you truly do exist.  You exist in the hearts of many.  As long as one person believes in you, you ARE alive.  Took me a while to realize it with some help.  Mostly my friend-family and eventually my sister.  Made me happy realizing you really are real.  Perhaps that's just a silly adult with a bit of her childhood still alive in her.  Funny thing, even though this year I haven't felt any Christmas spirit, I still do believe you exist.  I don't know why I just don't feel excited this year.

I thought it was just me, until my mom told me that even for her it's the same thing.  She felt like Christmas came by so fast/rushed and she's not very excited as well.  I felt kinda guilty feeling happy that I wasn't the only one feeling that Christmas just isn't exciting this year.  The guilty part of me says that no one shouldn't feel the holiday spirits...  I find myself constantly jealous of my sister who had so much holiday spirit and was super excited for Christmas to come.  At first I thought that it was just me trying to stay calm so I don't over-burst from joy.  Then it eventually hit me it was probably more than that...  It didn't help that my dad didn't seem any interested of buying a Christmas tree at all.  Now my mom thinks that we should just use a plastic Christmas tree instead every year.  I HATE that idea...  I always want a real Douglas Fir tree for every Christmas.  Mind you during this time I was thinking of the Lorax movie on how everything in the town was...erm...yeah...  fake.  I thought about talking about it to people, but at the same time I didn't want to.  Maybe I just don't have the right people to talk to about it.  This is why I'm writing it out in a blog instead.  Maybe I'm just being spoiled or ungrateful or something, I don't know.  I can't tell since I'm too afraid of talking to anyone about it.  I do feel like I'm grateful for Christmas and everything else but the biggest thing I want for Christmas this year, is to have my Christmas spirit back and keep it throughout my life.  I wish to someday pass my love of Christmas and the belief in Santa down to my child(ren) one day...  I hope everyone will find peace and happiness, not just during the holidays but throughout their life.

Please Santa... let me have my Christmas spirit back...  It hurts without it.  I don't to be a joyless adult and I don't want ANYONE to be a joyless person.  Everyone deserves true happiness. 

And of course, Happy Birthday Jesus!! <3  Have a great birthday and forever more happy birthdays!!

Forever in my heart,
Cherry Munchkin